You are a teenager, exploring life, working hard, having fun, and figuring out who you are. College admission officers know that. Can you imagine if colleges expected you, at age 17 or 18, to be a fully-formed human being who already has it all figured out? If that were the case, then what would be the point of going to college?! It is the joy of my life that I get to partner with students in this critical transitional time in their life, and I know many admissions officers who similarly feel it is a privilege to get to know you through your voice in your application. Instead of stressing about trying to do it all (and do it all perfectly), embrace a growth mindset and know that you will continue to grow as a learner, thinker and person in college and well beyond. Here are some tips to put yourself in the right mindset during the process.
Let me be very clear with you: It’s ok to say “no.” It’s ok to put things down. Sometimes students will ask me if it’s ok to stop doing an activity that they don’t like anymore. My answer? Absolutely. But will it “hurt” their chances at admission? No, and that’s not the right way to think about it. I have a former colleague who framed this beautifully, and I constantly remind my students: there’s such a thing as a “good quit.” Last year I had a student who was a competitive gymnast for many years, starting from a young age. Over time, gymnastics started to take both a physical and mental toll on her, where multiple injuries and pressures were affecting her happiness and mental health. So midway through high school, she stopped doing it, and her mental health improved significantly. It was a difficult decision to make, but in the words of one of my favorite song lyrics of all time, “sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.” I have a sophomore student this year who is going to stop doing soccer at the end of this year. He doesn’t love it enough to continue with the demanding time commitment, so he’s going to do something he’s always wanted to do- pick up a new instrument and teach himself how to play guitar.
The mental load of continuing something that your heart isn’t in can breed resentment, disengagement, and general unhappiness. I would so much rather you put something down that doesn’t spark joy so that you can open a new door to something else that lights you up more. You never know what door might open when you have a chance to explore a new interest. And if you stuck with something you hated just because you felt obligated to, think of what opportunities you might have missed out on.
Many colleges ask supplemental essay questions where they learn more about you and your academic interests and motivations, as well as get a sense for how you will contribute to their specific campus communities. You might expect them to ask questions about which major(s) you want to pursue. But you might be surprised to see questions like these:
There’s a reason that MIT and Brown University ask these essay questions. They know that on their campuses, you are going to be in an intense academic environment with a very challenging workload. You’ll likely be working harder than you have in your life. But that’s precisely the reason they ask these questions- it’s even more important to have outlets in your life that let you blow off steam and find intrinsic joy. Not for how it’s going to “look” for someone else, and not something that will be graded, judged, or assessed; but something you do simply because you love it and it makes you happy. When you do something for yourself, you’ll be less stressed about how “good” it is or how others perceive it, and you can focus on the innate joy. I have a Paint By Numbers kit and let me tell you, even when someone is telling me exactly where to paint, it is still not my finest work. But it’s a necessary stress reliever in my life, and that is what brings me joy. Hobbies like this absolutely matter.
This is an important conversation, and not just in service of specific schools like MIT and Brown. Just because a school does not explicitly ask about it, does not mean it’s not important. Every year, my students are surprised when I tell them that hobbies and interests “count” as extracurriculars. There is just as much value in your personal hobbies as there is in a more formal, organized activity. Maybe that’s planting an herb garden at your home, or playing a round of golf with your friends, or a weekly card game with a family member because it’s a tradition you look forward to. If you don’t have those outlets, you’re more prone to burnout. And all of the ways you spend your time, help shape who you are as a person- so it’s another way for colleges to get to know you and what makes you YOU.
Let’s cut to the chase: everyone struggles. Everyone asks questions. Everyone has opportunities to learn. One of my favorite quotes of all time is, “If you’re the smartest person in the room, then you’re in the wrong room.” I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for all the people and experiences I’ve learned from. Think about it in terms of your math classes. Mathematical concepts often build on each other and become more complex, so if you haven’t mastered the basics, you’re not going to be as successful with the later concepts. You need to make sure you understand that material, which means if you’re struggling, it’s critical to ask questions. Raise your hand in class. Visit your teacher during a free period or before school if it works for your schedule. Advocating for yourself and raising your hand when you need help is the best thing you can do to be successful and confident, whatever is at hand.
Speaking of asking questions, let’s talk about failure for a second. It’s a taboo topic that people don’t like to talk about. But the truth is, all of us have encountered failure at some point (usually multiple points) in life. It’s unavoidable that you will try new things that don’t go well. You might fail a French test. You might not make the Varsity volleyball team. You might not hit your goal PR in the 4x4 track relay. But these experiences are the ones that build resilience and often lead to the most growth. How do you respond to setbacks? How do you pick yourself up and build the confidence to try again?
I had a student a few years ago who wrote his Personal Statement on how bad he was at basketball. He’s the kind of person who picks up new hobbies pretty easily, and a lot of things come naturally to him- but not basketball. Still, he stuck with it because he genuinely loved it. It turned out to be a wonderful essay about resisting perfectionism, embracing humility, and overcoming perceived failure. Our truest strength of character shines not when we excel, but when we face adversity. If you have goals for yourself and are unsure how to get there, or if you hit a stumbling block along the way, raise your hand and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
The truth is that there are parts of this process that you have control of, and parts that are completely out of your control. Instead of stressing about things outside of your control, focus on what you can control. Take a deep breath, stay in your lane, and take care of yourself throughout your college search and application process - you’ve got this!