Students said the ACT was stressful enough, so naturally the next logical step was to add sweating. In a totally real and definitely not suspicious update, ACT is introducing a new Physical Education (P.E.) section for anyone who thought standardized testing was missing one important thing: exercise.
The new section would allegedly measure endurance, coordination, resilience, and your ability to keep moving when the beep test starts sounding personal. ACT says the goal is to capture forms of “readiness” that cannot be measured by a calculator, a grammar rule, or the silent panic of watching everyone else turn a page before you do.
Under this wildly official scoring model, English, math, and reading would remain the core sections, while P.E. would enter the chat with a maximum score of 31.
English: 36
Math: 36
Reading: 36
Physical Education: 31
Total Composite Score: 67
Possible section activities may include shuttle runs, strategic stretching, dramatic recovery breaths, and a brief written reflection on “hustle.” No single sport would be required, although elite dodging of responsibility is still under review.
Students who earn a perfect 67 may receive bragging rights, a commemorative whistle, and the right to be completely insufferable in the group chat that lasts at least through senior spring.
*This is satire. No, you do not need to start training for the beep test.
